southern comfort

i arrived back home last night from a visit to my grandma down south. she is in louisville kentucky. born and raised. along with the constant flow of food (note that we are talking jewish grandmother here.. ) she took us the the Kentucky State Fair and we saw blue ribbon cows, corn, tobacco, baked goods and as many ways of preparing a pig as one can muster.



it was really nice to see my grandma. she is like no one else i know. also, she is my last grandparent. she told us about our great aunt Tanta Paula. She was a political prisoner and sent to Siberia. "she was beautiful and blonde with blue eyes" and she slept with the guards in order to get out and then walked across Russia. after that she found her way to america with her husband "who was the most bland man." This brought up stories about a great grandfather who blew up a police station somewhere in europe and was exiled. or something like that. there is so much history that i wish i knew. i wish i could watch pieces of my grandmothers life. i also wish i could talk to my other grandparents. i really miss them, and wish i had the chance to learn from them, and even meet them.
anyway, i realized one of my last nights in louisville that i am leaving for rome on the 29th. now, i know that most of you reading this knew i was leaving. but i think i only recently realized it myself. i feel like i am in a good place though. nervous, yes. anxious, yeah, i'd say so. excited, yup. mostly, i feel a very clear undertone of calm peace. i am ready for this next plateau of life. i am looking forward to meeting myself at 21. i am really ready to live some. and to be.

my face hurts

i just spent about 5 straight hours laughing. my face hurts. my stomach hurts. but i feel revived. all kinds of good energy going on.

on the way home, i saw a homeless man sleeping at the bottom of a flight of stairs that leads to the trolley. he looked like he either fell, or was placed on the cement, because the grace of his sleep was astounding. the first thing i saw were his beautiful hands, palm up and open to the concrete sky. his head slightly tilted to one side. his shirt read "flirt"

on the couch... my couch... ruth is asleep. she probably thinks i didn't notice that she used my computer, due to how perfectly she put it back. i don't mind. (about the computer. the couch.. another story) she is mumbling and making her sleeping noises. i am going to miss her while i'm gone.

another gift

these things always start as gifts, or rather, as ideas for gifts. little "thank you"s. then, when i'm finished playing, i look at what i've got, and realize a couple of things. i usually realize that it is so much more enjoyable for me to create something when it is for someone else. it is easier, the flow happens. i don't get stressed and caught up in too many crazy inner-dialogue/meaning-of-life/art kind of problems.


the pictures aren't of the best quality. (bad light... sorry yall)
i realize other things too... sometimes. like, maybe the would-be-receiver will think that i am a little crazy for making something for what they don't think is any kind of big deal. but, i guess... i am usually a little bit crazy...?

to the moon and back

lovely hours spent talking to the moon, the real one. (interpret as you will)
my mom and i were talking the other day about how there are communities, families and places that we are born into, and there are communities, families and places that we choose, build, trust, and support. i believe that if i spend too much time wishing i could have a role, a voice, a place in circles i am not in, that i may miss out on the awesome (and i mean that in the "AWE" sense of the word, not the stoner sense of the word... to speak generally) place i have. a beautiful family/community/circle - has grown, and secured its roots over time. while i will always look forward to meeting new people, and learning what love is to them... i am just so grateful and blessed to have the people who are in my life.

next order of business/things to keep in mind:
1. get rid of the headache and then i can deal better with the other aches
2. one is allowed to love bad movies
3. sometimes the best thing is vegetable soup
4. talking helps - dare i say - always (?)


peace